Words that I never thought I’d find.

All my life I’ve lacked connection, I’ve lacked communication, and I’ve bubbled away at the surface searching for the right words, what it is that I knew I needed to say but couldn’t. Needing to communicate my thoughts in a way that made sense to others. I would eventually go bonkers from the innate lack of connection. 

It has taken me 19 years and I’m sure it will take me 19 more to finally be able to express who I am with words. How I take precious moments in and need to know if anyone else feels the same. If anyone else can take one moment and romanticize it, make it even more beautiful in your mind. Allow yourself to sit and see the details of all of the things around you and find yourself gasping as you take it in. It can be an amazing world if you look at things this way. It can be magical in an individualized sense that just baffles me. 

When I was younger magic used to be all that I wanted to think about. In the worst way I wanted to be a superhero, a witch, or even a mermaid. I wanted to see ‘real’ magic…. getting disappointed time and time again, trying in vain to control water or move things with my mind. I got my hopes up every time. Thinking that I had to be different, I had to be special, there was no other explanation for why I had so few people who understood me. Now as I’ve grown, I come to see real magic, real light, and real life. Slowly but surely I’m finding my way into the woods, instead of trying so hard to get out. Running away from yourself is terribly painful and ridiculously unnecessary. I’ve spent all my time moving away from who I was and pushing thoughts aside, trying to be someone more ‘normal’. But, normal is a concept that doesn’t make sense in the world, in our world. Everyone has a different version of normal created in their own head and through their own lives. Who’s to say that any of us should strive to meet that standard, who’s to say that we aren’t all a little crazy, wasting time searching for normalcy. True happiness and freedom stem from a lack of normalcy, at least in my life it does. It may have taken a long time to learn all of the things that I write about now but I am so thankful that I have. I’m thankful for my thoughts, and my perspective. I wouldn’t want to be normal, not anymore. Now I continue to search for the magic in life, I find new awe inspiring moments every single day and for that I will always be grateful, always be proud, and always be eager for more. 

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