My mind is off dreaming, imagining a world where I’m happy. Not just happy in certain moments, but happy most of the time. I get to do the things that I enjoy, I don’t have to waste countless hours making money just to survive. I can live, truly live without all of the bullshit. What an imagination I have, right? The reality is much more cruel, is much less idealistic and optimistic. The real world feels as though it’s designed to destroy any of the dreams I have. I keep moving, I keep trying, but things don’t seem to change at all. None of my ideas and dreams are any closer to fruition and I only have myself to blame. I blame myself for not knowing, not understanding, not finding a way. I blame myself for not being enough, not doing enough. Then again, where do I even start. To gain success you need to understand the system you are working with, and I’m not sure I will ever understand this. This life that we are ‘meant’ to lead, this boring, uninspiring, life that gets shoved down our throats. I’m exhausted, the boredom is utterly exhausting and I just wish things were different. Everyone knows though that wishes almost never come true, everyone knows that life is what it is, and there is only so much one person can do to change it. All I’m saying is that somehow, I’m still here, unmoving, and uninspired, but trying to pick myself up, away from this life that I’m ‘meant’ to lead. How long will I be able to try without getting anywhere? When does it become too painful to dream? I feel as though things would be much easier sometimes if I could resign to who I’m meant to be.