Dragging Myself

I always find it so funny how our moods can drastically change, for no reason at all.

Yesterday morning, I woke up excited to start the day. I was finishing a painting for a local business, and I actually had a lot of fun with it. So there I was enjoying myself, jamming out to tunes, painting to my hearts’ content. I finally finish the painting I spent 6 hours on, I turn the music off, and my heart sinks.

It isn’t because I was sad to stop painting, it wasn’t because I had anymore music I wanted to listen to. It was just like all of the happiness got sucked out of me in an instant.

Fast forward, going through the motions of the day, my mind rumbling through any and all possible reasons to be upset. Then, making up new qualms and anxieties, overwhelming my mind with so much at once.

Anxious. Tired. Sad.

It was like an incessant loop, that I had no power over. Or, I let myself believe I had no power over it. Man, I get so frustrated just thinking about how betrayed I felt by my own mind. I’d been doing so great, feeling so optimistic and hopeful. All it took was a moment for me to do a complete 180 and feel self-loathing all over again. A whole day wasted to negative thoughts and feelings, all of which I most definitely didn’t ask for.

Well, here’s to a new day, another chance.

Hope. Happiness. Optimism.

4 thoughts on “Dragging Myself

  1. Exactly right. Mood swings suck but there’s always another day. I think the fact that you were able to paint while jamming out is an accomplishment in and of itself. Have a great day, and keep doing what you’re doing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Writing about these things honestly… without trying to airbrush them… it’s a very special thing.

    I’ve had some beautiful boosts this week… and a couple of hard comedowns after…

    and to see this so carefully written… so tenderly shared…

    These really are the things – whether written in kind words, in subtle sketch strokes or in a playful ballet with a camera lens – that save worlds.

    Liked by 1 person

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