Melancholy Heart

I continue to write, to think, and to breathe the wild. My heart soars in my daydreams and is crushed in reality. I feel this incessant ache in my chest when I think of the beauty that is out there and the beauty I have yet to see. How do I make my dreams a reality, how do I carry on in a world that rips my dreams away on a daily basis. Am I crazy, weird, or am I just unique? Everyone in this amazing world has dreams and aspirations, I’m willing to bet that everyone of them is different. Unfortunately that isn’t what societal conformity is all about, and sadly most individual voices will never be heard, or seen, or achieved. Being told that things are improbable, if not impossible, as you want them is deafening to the human psyche and will continue to destroy dreams until we decide to change our mindset on life and pursue what we love. Simply because we want to, not because it will be the most lucrative or ‘successful’. What else is success besides finding immense joy in life? Why do we waste time following a carbon copy of what we should be? Is it fear of the unknown? I know that I’m afraid, constantly, I’m afraid of what may become of this world, of the ecosystem, and of me. I wonder if there is a place for me here, will I be able to ever truly be happy, being who I am? Will I be able to live the crazy, amazing life that I dream of? It seems like nowadays all I do is dream. I long for a life that I don’t have, yet. The truth is though that I am drawn enough to this dream that I will either make it to that place, to that feeling or die trying. In these daydreams that I have, I feel shadows of an emotion that I have yet to experience completely and my drive comes solely from that. I absolutely need to experience that feeling completely. I need what I crave, this dream is an addiction, I find pieces of the feeling that I want so desperately in small things, day hikes, or a beautiful sunset, even birds chirping in the morning, a single tree that catches my eye. The feeling I crave is so easy to catch in small doses, but I need more, and it drives me to achieve. I need that joy and I will spend my whole life searching for it. I’m okay with that, excited for it. My real concern is, are you? Are you dreaming, hoping, achieving? Are you working for something you want or for something you are told to want? There is an unsurmountable difference between living for what you want and living for what you should want. Spend everyday questioning what you know and feel, and try to find the you that has been overshadowed. You will be very glad you did. 


A true wanderer does not search for satiation, they search for freedom. For love and happiness that can not be found in the American Dream. The world will tell you no, it will refuse and refute your dreams, but hold onto them. Dig deep and cling on because you will not achieve happiness without freedom. As impossible as it feels, your freedom is a reality. Even more so your freedom is a movement. It’s inspiration, defiance, rebellion. Most importantly, it is hope. 

Self Image

This morning I woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that I had some definition in my abs. Now it’s something silly that I have always wanted, I try not to focus on the physical aspect of my health and fitness journey as much as I do the mental ones. In this day and age that is extremely difficult because of how many perfect bodies we are exposed to on social media, whether the lighting and angle is just right or the photo is edited. Whatever it is, it makes it seem like half of the world is perfect, but take a second to realize that those people probably have just as many self doubts as you.

Anyway, continuing with my morning, I hopped right out of bed grabbed my camera and immediately thought, “I have to get a good picture for Instagram”, it’s a little embarrassing to say but it’s true. I took pictures flexed, unflexed, from different angles, in different lighting, the works. All just to find the picture that made me look “good”. After taking 15 pictures and not liking a single one, I realized how wrong it is for me to want to post that picture. I want to send a message that you can get where you want to be of course, but why would I try to flex and pose and make myself look perfect when I know I’m not. When it doesn’t matter what you are physically anyways. I am happy with myself right now, and that’s a great feeling. I want everyone to be comfortable saying that as well. I want to continue working hard and see more progress but, it isn’t my only goal, and it isn’t my top priority. My top priority is not only to feel happy and optimistic most of the time but also to tell others that they should strive for that too. I’m not perfect and that’s okay, it’s good actually because if I was I don’t think I’d be human! We are all imperfect, we are all unique, and what we should really strive for is perfect imperfection. Imperfection that we acknowledge and that we hold with pride. So I won’t be posting any pictures online of me trying way to hard to look good, because I feel good and that should show in any photo I take.