Dragging Myself

I always find it so funny how our moods can drastically change, for no reason at all.

Yesterday morning, I woke up excited to start the day. I was finishing a painting for a local business, and I actually had a lot of fun with it. So there I was enjoying myself, jamming out to tunes, painting to my hearts’ content. I finally finish the painting I spent 6 hours on, I turn the music off, and my heart sinks.

It isn’t because I was sad to stop painting, it wasn’t because I had anymore music I wanted to listen to. It was just like all of the happiness got sucked out of me in an instant.

Fast forward, going through the motions of the day, my mind rumbling through any and all possible reasons to be upset. Then, making up new qualms and anxieties, overwhelming my mind with so much at once.

Anxious. Tired. Sad.

It was like an incessant loop, that I had no power over. Or, I let myself believe I had no power over it. Man, I get so frustrated just thinking about how betrayed I felt by my own mind. I’d been doing so great, feeling so optimistic and hopeful. All it took was a moment for me to do a complete 180 and feel self-loathing all over again. A whole day wasted to negative thoughts and feelings, all of which I most definitely didn’t ask for.

Well, here’s to a new day, another chance.

Hope. Happiness. Optimism.

As time passes

Something that has always been a massive cause of anxiety for me, has been feeling that I’m not doing enough. Progress is something that can’t be seen in the day to day, and being like most young adults, that makes me feel like no progress is happening at all.

Trying to take things a day at a time, hoping that living in the present will lead me to a better, more light-hearted future.

Spending less time thinking about what I’m going to do, how I’m going to get somewhere, etc. It has helped keep me from my feelings of hopelessness and anxiety. Life ebbs and flows, things change, some days feel like the world is ending, and some days, it feels like opportunity is all around.

Opportunity to live, to flourish, to be. There are so many quotes out there describing, and explaining life in so few words, but the truth is, there are no words to explain what life is to each individual. I guess the point of it all is for you to decide, for you to find out. That’s what makes life so captivating and inspiring.