Here We Go

Onto the newest idea, dream, journey. After constant pondering into what it is that makes me dissatisfied with the current state of life, I have decided it’s time to consider the possibility that the only thing holding me back is myself. The societal notion that there is only one way to live is ludicrous and simply not true. My average Joe job, my schedule that is constantly controlled by others, my lack of freedom. All of it has been created and reinforced by myself and societal norms. So, where do I go from here? What do I do?

I’m going to think, plan, and create the version of life that I so desperately strive for. It isn’t impossible to travel, to live, and to create an existence that you love all on your own. Throwing what I’ve been told is realistic out the window, I’m officially ready to crush any expectations others may have, I’m ready to start fresh with only one thing in mind. My life is my own creation and nothing is impossible. I will continue to work hard and get through each day, UNTIL getting through isn’t what the day is about. My life will be full of adventure, and it will someday be exactly what I dream of now.

This is a declaration to myself, I know I can accomplish much when I put my mind to it, and I know you all can too.

 

Exploring

 

It may be hard finding yourself in one destination, especially when your heart is full of spontaneous dreams and adventure. It’s in the little adventures that we reignite our drive to keep moving. Sitting stagnant is a good way to become unfulfilled and uninterested in life.

I have been going through a rollercoaster ride of emotions, due to a lack of time, and lack of adventure. It’s these little excursions from everyday life. that keep me focused and motivated. Reminding me of all of the crazy dreams and amazing adventures that I hope to make full time, all the time, and any time. They remind me that life can be spontaneous and exciting. Most importantly, they force me to look at how I am going to achieve my goals, and all of the things I have to do in order to make necessary changes and achieve sustained happiness.

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@jenaekayy 

Living for the lonely

Loneliness is not a punishment, but a necessary realization. Loneliness is meant to push you to believe in yourself, to understand that you are the only one who will ever be able to conquer your own reality. It’s unfortunate that loneliness is skewed, and demonized, so that anyone who feels alone, feels the instant need to fix it. Here in this time of loneliness, there is nothing for others to fix. Human beings may be social creatures, but the truths that you long to find are hidden within your own mind. Right now there is an incredibly important decision to make, will you demonize loneliness, or will you take the gift of human consciousness in stride? The ability to breath is one thing, the ability to create independent thought is something completely separate. It may not be easy to delve into yourself with no remorse, it may be one of the most difficult things you’ll ever choose to do. It may not seem like it now, but loneliness is a choice, loneliness is choosing individuality over the masses. It’s choosing to believe in the independence you were blessed with. Use your mind wisely, I’m willing to beg and plead in this age of mass media, of convenience, and of comfort, because individuality is lost here. No one chooses to take control of their own gifts, of their own thoughts. So here I am willing to beg and plead, choose the more difficult path, choose thought, choose reflection, choose to be your own living, breathing, thought provoking person. Don’t let the negativity around being alone give you a reason to conform to an ideal that may not exist, that may not lead to your individual happiness. Happiness is not achieved through the same means for any two people, and when that realization finally reaches you, you will be glad that you chose to be lonely temporarily. True connection is achieved after owning your individuality, your expression. Your amazingly unique self is meant to be expressed, meant to be known, flaunted even. It is amazing that so few recognize the importance of owning who you are. It isn’t following societal rules, it isn’t marching to the band, it isn’t being one of many that creates change. It is each person being recognized, sharing inherently different ideas, and different concepts of ideal that creates a new concept of what life is, and what life can be. Loneliness ultimately, is not being alone, loneliness is lacking inspiring conversation, lacking introspective thought, and ultimately lacking true connection. So when will you choose you, and stop allowing loneliness to shadow your individualism? 

Road Block

Naivety gets the best of you and for once things seem clear. What a joke it is to think you have life all figured out. Life is NOT meant to be easy, life IS meant to confuse you. It will never be clear or easy, that is also the beauty of our world. It may be the most infuriating aspect of your experience on this inexplainable planet. It is continuous. Saying that you’ve had enough does not squalor the world and it’s evolution around you and your soul. This evolution, this constant motion may cause nausea, it may cause pain, and it may cause an onset of intense emotion that you neither want nor expect. Regardless of all of these things this world has an expectation, it has an idea. This world wants, in the most unrelenting way, for you to live, to experience, and to strive. The wants and hopes of this world are what drive you to do and whether you take that for granted, whether you let that glimmer of purity push you forward, that is up to you. The responsibility and weight of that idea is overwhelming. It’s not only overwhelming, it is also hard for the conscious mind to believe, to have faith in. Take a step back and allow yourself to let go of all of the thoughts that crowd your mind, allow yourself to let go of society, of life outside of YOU. It’s funny that it is something that takes so much consideration, just to think of yourself for one moment. To stop all of the constant chatter that controls what you do and how you think. It isn’t important now, it isn’t important ever. We all have an incredible, amazing, and perfect life to lead, yet we allow ourselves to be caught up in the outside noise, in the seemingly inescapable loudness that surrounds us. Everyone here, caught up in this commotion, has a place. It is a matter of letting all of the outward sound go, it’s a matter of digging. It may be seen as selfish to choose to look that far into who you are meant to be, it may be seen as something to avoid, something to be afraid of. You have the glorious and ultimately freeing choice to continue on a path that revolves around you. It’s when you take yourself into consideration that you can find out how to not only except, but help others, build connections, and be the most productive and happy you.  

Overwhelming Words

Oh, how long you’ve gone without speaking. Years of trying to find the words for those thoughts that you hold so dear. Now, what is it that triggered this avalanche of emotion, of thought? What is this dictionary spilling from your heart, mind, and soul? How do you continue to translate everything onto paper so easily in these moments? You spent so long trying, but now you question whether or not it is something you wish to share. You’re mind works differently, darling. You had something that was completely your own because it had to be. You couldn’t share your side of the story, your side of life, because the words didn’t exist in your mind. Now that you are here, now that these words cascade out of your mind and into written form, what do you do? How do you adjust and what do you expect? Are you naive to assume that people will understand? It has been a long time coming, hasn’t it? It is this time, this chapter, that narrates the rest of your life. You have a choice now. All these words forming into coherent sentences that you never thought you’d have the ability to write, and you still wonder if it would be the right choice to allow other people in. 

Doubt is ever present in this space, in this utter confusion that is swallowing your mind. Expression was not something that you thought you would achieve, it was a distant dream. You thought you would forever be unable to find words, to find a voice. You give all you have in this, you are now able to write who you are and what you feel, giving yourself completely to a page. It’s incomprehensible that you would ever do this, that you would ever have words that fall so freely, words that portray your mind so perfectly. It feels revealing, it feels as though your exposing your hidden reality. The possessiveness of it all is the most ironic, all that you thought you craved is now what makes you feel the most uncomfortable. For what felt like eternity all that you wanted was to be able to speak, to tell the world what it was that you thought made life so incredibly beautiful and exciting. All you have ever wanted is to change minds, open people up to a world that is exceptionally different than the lives we lead. Then, it was an idealistic fantasy. It may still be. You have the option now, darling. You could give your heart to others and hope, hope that there will be some reciprocation of feeling, of thought. Hope that your voice will encourage them to search for their own words, more importantly not to fear their words. 

However, in broadcasting your idealistic dreams, you could also learn that your words mean nothing here, that humanity really has lost its’ heart and you stand alone. You know what loneliness feels like, and you’ve grown comfortable in that feeling. Reliance on yourself is easy, it’s relying on others that seems impossible. Faith is not something you find easily. You have had your time without speech, and you have spent a copious amount of your life listening, taking in every detail that you happened to notice. You’ve seen greed, self absorption, and ignorance. Is it conceded to feel this way? To feel as though the world revolves as you stand still, watching, listening, and then wondering? Contemplating whether or not anyone may feel the same as you? 

There is an unending veil of questions that are shielding you from taking the leap, from having faith, and from allowing yourself to share the ideation that you hold so close. It is time to make a choice, the world is only getting louder. There is one last question to ask, my love. Will you continue listening, or do you have enough hope to share all of your overwhelming words?

Pleading to Stay

You may question how you became an outsider in this place. How you lost the ability to speak this language. Now all you can do is watch this perfect symphony and allow the meaning to escape you. What a shame it is that you will always be an outsider. After all of this begging and pleading you can’t even understand, you can’t even tell if they’re calling you to stay. The feeling is there and you know in your heart that it isn’t the answer that you wanted. They’re telling you that you will always be a visitor. The wild may be in your heart and soul but this is no longer your place. Human kind is no longer adapt for the cruel beauty of the place, and it hurts. Convenience has lost us more than we will choose to comprehend. We lost our wisdom, our knowledge, and our truth. So what is it that we do? What is it that defines us? Do we wait for our loss against humanity? Or do we fight against our own incompetence? Do we spend every day fighting for a life that isn’t ours? I want to fight to see our world as we know it thriving. We have so much promise, so much that we could do. I know I have a long way to go. I know that I can achieve all of the goals that I set forth. I am present, I am opinionated, I am ready to take a stand and say that I love the natural beauty of this world and I am absolutely not ready to see it come to an end. So we can sit here and watch our world destroy itself through impossible means or we can listen to what our hearts and souls tell us. Fight for life, fight for control and most importantly fight for freedom against whoever tells you that your dreams can’t come true. 

Madmans Hike

Looking at the ground with a desire. No, an urge, to take but a glance at the world above. Knowing that there must be something growing from these roots you’re watching. Understanding that you mustn’t look up, the plan is to move, keep going, one foot in front of the other, there is no going back and no looking up. There is only the ground which you walk on and the ground ahead, because you know that if you look up there will be no desire to move forward.  Time will lay still as soon as you take your eyes from the rock, root, and soil. The magic of your surroundings will no longer be allowed to escape you, and staying put is not an option here, not on this mad mans hike.