Echo by Woodsy the Performance Poet

John is able to elicit emotion through words more eloquently than anyone I’ve ever known. I’ve found his words sometimes haunting, sometimes consoling, hopeful, and dark. The contradiction shadowed only by the truth of it. There are moments of triumph, moments of defeat, and most importantly millions of little moments in between, that can only be captured by a true poet. Someone who feels completely, and knows that words can become a gateway to human connection.

I thought I would share here, one of his pieces, accompanied by a few of my own works, I hope you’ll consider reading some of his other beautiful poems at https://woodsydotblog.wordpress.com

I saw your face this morning –

something I needed,

outside of it all.


I reached out,

years too late to feel your skin,

and felt the echoes of your spirit.


These days,

it is the shadows

and empty spaces

that push me forward –

not quite

a ride or a dance or a dream…

just the last little ticks of nightmare…


falling away.


But here you are,

nestled in blue…


in the surf and the sky

and the morning…

and all of those things I can’t do.

 
Here you are,

filling

this crater of heartbeats

with the echo of yesterday’s screams:


“I’m getting better!”


The one damn thing you needed.

The one thing I did, too.


So did the world that forgot you were there…


showing it something,

everywhere.  


Sometimes, I’m lost here,

just like you,

slicing the world

with a hot steel blade:


“I’m getting better!”


(from this, from them, from you)


Trying

to shove a kinder,

less merciless truth

into indifferent ears:


“I’m getting better!”


(from this, from them, from stuff you say… stuff you do)


The only scream

I have left –

and sometimes,

the only scream nobody hears anymore.


A ghost scream,

throwing out my numbers and my codes,


filling

the crater of my heart

with precious bursts of echo,


like that smile:


always the gentlest

of explosions,

your smiles.


Starbursts

in the bear pit…

tiny factories of bonfire,

sat on the edge by darkness

and

blossoming

somewhere between…


I saw you sadder than before.

You saw me deeper in there too.


You hold some part of me

that’s still far better in your hands,

haunting

all those happy endings

that came scavenging

in your wake.


The truth is,

I’m more at home in darkness now,

whittling your echoes into kindling

and lighting our bonfires

with their own kind of peace…


riding out your faces and your loves


and showing the world

and the lights out of town


just what they say about me.

Painting: Works in Progress

Even though I have been utterly overwhelmed, and sometimes overtaken by anxiety, I’ve made it a mission to keep pursuing art. Pushing myself to pass the boundaries of my comfort zone and create. I’ve been dealing with pesky thoughts about my work not being perfect, or even halfway decent at times. However, I want to keep working at it, keeping bringing ideas/sketches to life, and try to enjoy the learning process.

I’ve also been considering making more video content as well. I bought a camera years ago with the intention of making videos, and have yet to try, for fear of judgement. It seems to be the thing holding us all back, doesn’t it? Fear is a bitch I suppose. It’s unfortunate that a lot of the time people like to prove fear right, rather than take control. I will confirm, I am very guilty of letting anxiety get the best of me, letting doubt be my friend, it’s something I’m trying to work on.

Some days are better than others, and I still have a lot of ideas I want to pursue, the commitment floats around my head, waiting to be picked up and taken seriously. Soon.

How dare you assume I’m human.

I have a few fun doodles I’ve done over the past couple days. I have really been loving everything alien lately, playing with a few different ideas about what that means to me. I’ve found, that when I start to draw on a certain topic, it most likely correlates with a feeling or concept that I’m holding onto in my personal life. I’m still unsure about this one, I have always just loved drawing aliens so it could be that too. Anyway, let me know what you think about these little sketches.

Dragging Myself

I always find it so funny how our moods can drastically change, for no reason at all.

Yesterday morning, I woke up excited to start the day. I was finishing a painting for a local business, and I actually had a lot of fun with it. So there I was enjoying myself, jamming out to tunes, painting to my hearts’ content. I finally finish the painting I spent 6 hours on, I turn the music off, and my heart sinks.

It isn’t because I was sad to stop painting, it wasn’t because I had anymore music I wanted to listen to. It was just like all of the happiness got sucked out of me in an instant.

Fast forward, going through the motions of the day, my mind rumbling through any and all possible reasons to be upset. Then, making up new qualms and anxieties, overwhelming my mind with so much at once.

Anxious. Tired. Sad.

It was like an incessant loop, that I had no power over. Or, I let myself believe I had no power over it. Man, I get so frustrated just thinking about how betrayed I felt by my own mind. I’d been doing so great, feeling so optimistic and hopeful. All it took was a moment for me to do a complete 180 and feel self-loathing all over again. A whole day wasted to negative thoughts and feelings, all of which I most definitely didn’t ask for.

Well, here’s to a new day, another chance.

Hope. Happiness. Optimism.

Works in Progress: Could it Sticker?

In pursuing drawing more, I have found that there are some more recent doodles that I thoroughly enjoy the concept of, or the strangeness of. I love drawing without any template or idea in my mind at first, just to see where it goes. This is something that I think carries over into other aspects of my life, for example, I never cook with a recipe, I always fail when baking because I can’t bring myself to follow any measurements. I’m very much a go with the flow type of person, and it shows in so much that I do.

That said, I have been doodling each day, enjoying taking the time to come up with new characters and weirdos. As they represent everything that I am, and all that I enjoy. I have been playing around with the idea lately, to create some characters, or other doodles to make stickers, and/or prints of. Eventually maybe have some cool graphic tees with my own creations on them. It’s just an idea, and I am prone to doubting myself and giving up. However, I think in some ways I owe it to myself to try, to actually give my creativity a go, and allow myself the opportunity to succeed or fail.

I read a really interesting blog post the other day about accepting failure as a necessity in life, and letting go of the fear to try. In that blog post, I realized that I had been holding onto so much fear that in a lot of ways I haven’t let myself try much of anything. I mean, yes, I did buy a trailer and am currently converting it into a home on wheels, and yes, I do pursue this blog in the hopes that others will gain something from it. But, I’ve also had so many fun dreams, and ideas, that have funneled themselves into the toilet just because, I’m too afraid or overwhelmed to try. In taking on the trailer project, I’ve learned that it really is about taking things one step at a time, each step is just as important as the next, and I hope that I can carry that knowledge over into my creative pursuits as well.

So, here are some current concepts in progress, and I’ll leave you with the question, could it sticker?

Mr. Peanut Head
I apologize for how out of focus this one is, my camera didn’t want to cooperate with me at all.

Doodles: Day 6

One more doodling day to go! I’ve been having a lot of fun drawing a bit each day, it’s something that I think a lot of people lose over time. Once life gets busy, and we are all worried about the daily grind, artistic hobbies can take a back burner. It’s sad that the world seems to undervalue creative minds, with so much going on in technology and science fields, we all know that becoming a computer engineer is a lot more monetarily rewarding, and a safer choice. Rather than becoming an artist, writer, or musician, which is basically asking for a life filled with uncertainty.

All that said, drawing more, and pursuing more artistic fields has given me reason to keep cultivating a part of myself that is really defining. I’m not a computer engineer, and I accept that fact that not everything will be conventional, or safe, about my path in life. I may never become a professional artist, but I sure as hell like spending my time doing things I truly enjoy. Whether that be writing, drawing, painting, sculpting, or photography. I never feel as though that time was wasted.

Doodling: Day 5

As some may have noticed, if you read my last post, I left for a weekend camping trip. It’s safe to say, that it was a much appreciated break from everything. It’s always so nice to be completely disconnected from the modern world. It makes me so excited for my future plans of travel and camping around in different national parks. I’ve talked often about how much I crave adventure, and escapade. Every time I get out, and go somewhere to camp for a few days, it reignites that desire in me.

Anyway, after a few days without posting I thought it was about time to get back on the band wagon, and keep, keeping on. Without further a do, here are some crappy doodles I tried to do during the drive. Moving vehicles on dirt roads, don’t make drawing easy, that’s for sure. It’s the effort that counts I suppose. Also, I found that drawing with pencil, after days of using ballpoint, is supremely difficult. I have always preferred pen for drawing, I’m not really sure why but, I think I’ll probably be using pen from here on out.

Doodling : Day 1

I’ve decided to get back on the drawing band wagon, and hold myself more accountable by drawing something each day. It may just be a collection of lines, or a doodle here and there. However, I’m hopeful that it will help me stay creative and motivated. Searching for jobs, and trying to figure out my next step in life has been utterly stressful, and leads me to get overwhelmed super easily. I’ve found that taking a little time to doodle, or read, has really helped me stay grounded over the past few weeks.

Constantly thinking about what your marketable skills are during a world-wide pandemic, isn’t easy. Or healthy. Hopefully taking a little time to breath, and do things that I enjoy will help me in my search. Wish me luck!

As time passes

Something that has always been a massive cause of anxiety for me, has been feeling that I’m not doing enough. Progress is something that can’t be seen in the day to day, and being like most young adults, that makes me feel like no progress is happening at all.

Trying to take things a day at a time, hoping that living in the present will lead me to a better, more light-hearted future.

Spending less time thinking about what I’m going to do, how I’m going to get somewhere, etc. It has helped keep me from my feelings of hopelessness and anxiety. Life ebbs and flows, things change, some days feel like the world is ending, and some days, it feels like opportunity is all around.

Opportunity to live, to flourish, to be. There are so many quotes out there describing, and explaining life in so few words, but the truth is, there are no words to explain what life is to each individual. I guess the point of it all is for you to decide, for you to find out. That’s what makes life so captivating and inspiring.

Empowerment with Portrait Photography

In the past couple weeks, I have gone from hating being in front of a camera, to genuinely enjoying the artistry involved in self-portraits. It’s strange to think about how uncomfortable and nervous I was in front of a lens. This is not to say that I have all the self-confidence in the world. However, I am gaining self-confidence through photos, I never thought I would get a good photo of myself in a million years. I seemed to think I was the least photogenic person in the world, and that’s just how it was.

Breaking out of my comfort zone, and taking photos of myself, or trusting someone else to take photos of me has ultimately done wonders for my self-esteem. In a short couple weeks I have come to notice things about myself that I ACTUALLY like! Which is something I wouldn’t have been able to say back in my bought of self-loathing.

It really is an empowering feeling to look at a photo of yourself and think, “wow! I look good”. I personally think that anyone struggling with their self-confidence should definitely take some time in front of a camera, getting to know your perceptions and how many of them are just built up delusions that you hold close. Honestly, let’s all just break the chains and learn to love ourselves, and take really awesome pictures while we are at it.

I know it’s easier said than done, and my own self-esteem battle is just beginning, but I can say without any doubt, that photographs have pushed me in the right direction.