Works in Progress/Bearing with me

Man, it has once again been a while. Let’s just call it a temporary hiatus that may swerve and vary depending on my living situation in the present.

Lately, I have been so split into different ideas, creative outlets, and work.

Honestly though, I’m really loving it. I have never been so focused on things that I enjoy, and never learned so much about life, business, and art. I know life is going in the right direction now, I’m just hoping I can make my dreams a reality. In the time of covid, it’s especially difficult to start a small business, and have plans to start a business revolving around art sales.

Working at the antique shop though, has given me the ability to really get creative, find objects that would normally lay in a wasteland of things, and create something new and fresh out of the last persons trash. I may not be the best salesperson, but I certainly can bring a unique skillset to the table. I just need to find the people that understand what it is that all of this means to me. As far as that goes, I think I’m on the right track.

My current acrylic project is a pair of anti covid Reeboks, and I’m actually really excited to see how they turn out, an on going project that I’m working on are painted vinyl records, and I’m also working on painting a saw blade sign for a local business. I’m hoping to get some of my up cycled original pieces completely finished so I can start up a shop, just for artsy things, and hope that people like my stuff.

My problem has always been marketing and social media, so I’m hoping that I can improve that more naturally, rather than forcing myself into something that deters me from the parts of the job that I truly enjoy.

Anyway thanks for being here, and reading through my life, as sporadic and crazy as it may be. Here’s to new adventures, and blossoming creativity. Let’s bring art back to the area of importance that it should be.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot actually, maybe I’ll write a whole post about the implications of these tumultuous times, and my view of the necessity of expression during said times.

Here are a few photos of the shoes I’m working on, unfortunately I don’t have any proper photos of the vinyls yet, but stay tuned for those!

Ball of Creativity amidst Uncertainty

Does anyone else find that, once everything gets thrown outside of your comfort zone, you are full to the brim with ideas and opportunities?

Lately I’ve been struggling to balance all of the things that are in motion in my life. I’ve found in this process that I am able to turn uncertainty into creativity. Or creativity forces itself in times of uncertainty. Either way, I am excited for what’s in store, and I appreciate all of you bearing with me through this time. I’ve been all over the place, but there are a bunch of projects in the works that I am thoroughly looking forward to sharing with you.

Like I said, art is pouring out of my ears, and I can feel that it’ll be great, when I finally have the time to get some pieces completed.

Finding a home at an antique shop has been a mind-boggling experience, and please bear with me while I try to catch up.

Thank you, for being you.

Doodling: Day 5

As some may have noticed, if you read my last post, I left for a weekend camping trip. It’s safe to say, that it was a much appreciated break from everything. It’s always so nice to be completely disconnected from the modern world. It makes me so excited for my future plans of travel and camping around in different national parks. I’ve talked often about how much I crave adventure, and escapade. Every time I get out, and go somewhere to camp for a few days, it reignites that desire in me.

Anyway, after a few days without posting I thought it was about time to get back on the band wagon, and keep, keeping on. Without further a do, here are some crappy doodles I tried to do during the drive. Moving vehicles on dirt roads, don’t make drawing easy, that’s for sure. It’s the effort that counts I suppose. Also, I found that drawing with pencil, after days of using ballpoint, is supremely difficult. I have always preferred pen for drawing, I’m not really sure why but, I think I’ll probably be using pen from here on out.

Expecting Change

Is it naive to expect a life-altering change when you don’t have a plan?

I guess it seems to me that life throws things at you when you least expect it, right? I never usually give myself the time necessary, I never wait. Now, in this uncertain place, I have been taking the time.

It feels as though nothing is coming my way. I wonder if it has something to do with manifesting ideas into action, and neglecting to pursue the ‘safe option’. I understand that hard-work is mandatory in our lives, in succeeding, but, I find myself working hard on potentially all of the wrong things. There are some positives to take away from this time off, and to be honest, my mental health has been going pretty well. I have been more creative, more hopeful. On the other side of that though, I have been more unsure, and confused.

What should I expect from what I am pursuing?

It’s obvious I’ve been pursuing more creative fields, I’ve been working on a lot of things I enjoy. Coming around to the fact, the things I enjoy don’t bring me sustainability. I absolutely hate that money is what keeps the world turning. I hate that status = money, and money = power. I have no desire to increase my value monetarily, but unfortunately we are all forced to pursue it. I have long-term goals, things that require the proper funds. I want to travel, I want to buy land and start an animal sanctuary some day, I want to learn to build sustainable housing, etc.

Asking the proper questions is difficult, albeit impossible, due to the sheer volume of necessary questions. There is no possible way to ask them all at once.

Right now I have a few at the forefront of my mind. One of them being, what is most important? Is my mental health more important than making a steady paycheck? If so, how am I going to reach my long-term goals? I think these questions are probably going through everyone’s mind at certain points of their life. I think everyone has good reason to ask these questions regularly, but what about the answers? I’m not sure we are meant to get them, rather than, embrace the question itself?

Reflecting on the past

While I agree that it doesn’t help to dwell on the past, I’ve found that looking through old journals really helps with developing new ideas, and understanding how you’ve felt in the past. I took the time today to go through some old notebooks and find some entries that elicited emotion. Below, I’ll share from a journal I kept through the summer of 2019, so over a year ago, in the hopes that it will give some insight into my current journey.

When will I grow up, and stop living in daydreams and idle fantasies.

Stubbornly feigning indifference, while bearing the weight of worlds.

These were placed on the inside cover of my notebook along with a poem I chose not to share. I have learned through these passages, I have come to recognize pieces of myself, pieces that I still struggle with, but in some ways have come to love. I dream. I question. I feel deeply.

Wander exceptionally far away from what you know, only there will you find yourself.

This one is still relevant to me today. All of my goals lead to a time where I am able to wander. A time, that will give me the freedom to experience, to learn, and to find myself.

Note to Self:

In order to find _______ .

Adventure is inherently important. Nothing else matters. Finding magic means taking the necessary leap.

Be free, create the world you dream of.

Make your ideal reality.

Here I am, over a year ago, searching, yet not knowing what it is I’m looking for. My mind during this time was similar to what it is now, I still yearn for a sense of freedom that I haven’t found. However, I have come to understand the importance of so many other things. I have come to understand the importance of connection, of family, and of being vulnerable enough to let people in.

Small City

Heightened awareness of status in a bourgeois sense.

Finally finished with college degrees, shopping for polos and pleated skirts.

Waiting eagerly for the chance to wear them to new jobs, holding themselves in a higher esteem than they truly should.

False confidence emitted in hazardous waves.

Unappreciated and well despised by those who walk the streets in rags, by those who have seen cruelty and misfortune in this little city.

Now, this piece holds some true anger. I remember the day I wrote this, I was at a stoplight in the city that I was working in. I was watching people walk by, holding their shopping bags from ritzy stores. At this same crosswalk I saw others walking by, dirty and tired, carrying everything they owned on their backs. It was a long day at work, and I had befriended some of the people that were carrying everything they owned on their backs. I felt for them, for their misfortune, and most of all for how misunderstood they are. I still think that everyone who has the privilege of new things, a hot meal, and a place to sleep, should take the time to get to know, and potentially help, someone less fortunate. However, I no longer feel that I can immediately condemn or judge those who do have more.

Nothing feels familiar, and everything is out of place. Lost in a cascade of emotions, never seeming to make sense. It has taken a long while to understand, and here you are, still looking at some unknown land, with a language that eludes you. It was once your vernacular, and yet, it is foreign.

This passage to me, was all of my feelings of disconnect, of uncertainty. Wondering where to turn, who would listen, who would care. This is still something I struggle with, connection for some reason feels so important, yet so scarce.

I guess this blog is an embodiment of my yearning for similarities in such a vast world. This is a place for me to be me, completely honest and open, forgetting all of the time I spent burying my thoughts. It’s also about gaining the confidence to share passages like these. I hope, if you’ve taken the time to read these, that you can gain something too.