Rebellion

Lately, I’ve been genuinely curious, I’ve been conducting some research, and I have a post from social media that I’ve found, that only increases the amount of questions that I have. Learning about so many issues within society today… I can’t understand it all. However, I can give some others one broad topic to think about. Who is making the wheels turn, and what are they doing to make things this way? We all have to assume, unfortunately, that corruption, greed, and coercion exist. We have to start truly learning, before it’s too late. Educating ourselves is difficult enough, not even considering the fact that our media can be controlled/altered. With advancing technology, we have to consider who holds all of that knowledge, and where, we the people, come in. When is it that we make sure that our opinions are heard? When is it that we stop confusing monetary value with self-worth?

Below I will share the post I was talking about previously…. I implore you, I beg you, take a moment to read, take more moments to research, I don’t have enough knowledge to tell you what to do. All that I can say is; take some time to really assess how happy you are with your country, with society, with the consolidation of money, and power. We have (as citizens) A LOT of issues to contend with, we have a lot to resolve. I happen to believe in us, I genuinely hope, that we can come together to fix things.

0 SCORE AND 7 YEARS AGO, it was assumed that teenage angst was why an upper class young man, or anyone else, would share this quote that can easily relate to anyone today. It is clear that the oppressors who have been letting us down, down, down, while we work, sleepless, are the individuals we trusted to lead us and raise this nation Under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for ALL. Men and women have died for this cause, of a country with liberty and justice for all. Theyve died overseas, in police violence, in political killings by the gov organizations, and on the streets they call home. We can add nor take away from their greatest sacrifice for this country. Yet it is our American duty called down to us from our forefathers and every American who sacrificed their life to overthrow those who would shackle our Shepard dogs (our fighting ability), herd us like sheep (manipulated information), and sheer and kill us indiscriminately (as an expendable economic resource). These feelings have been calling for years for the purification of American Leadership. The knowledge of this feeling in our FREE American HEARTS has scared our “leadership”. So they work, sweaty as well, to keep us divided with misinformation and the rat race for money. When the government so clearly must protect itself and its corrupt institutions from the people it represents, it was George Washington who said that the people must then take the government. It is time to retake the government my American brothers and sisters. It is for us, living, to ensure that we carry the torch of those who sacrificed everything before us who died, not free, but fighting to be so . That we here highly resolve these Americans not have died in vain, but in the mighty struggle for a rebirth of freedom, and that the government OF the people, BY the people, FOR the people, never parish.

“We are the angry and the desperate,The hungry, and the cold,We are the ones who kept quiet,And always did what we were told.But we’ve been sweating while you slept so calm,In the safety of your home.We’ve been pulling out the nails that hold upEverything you’ve known.Don’t hold me up now,I can stand my own ground,I don’t need your help now,You will let me down, down, down!”

-Rise Against

Motivational talks for personal development

Since getting back from my camping trip, I’ve had a difficult time getting back to a clear mental state. After everything being so quiet for a few days, coming back to the world just feels so loud. I decided this morning to go through some different youtube videos/TED talks, to help get me back to a motivated state. Not just to motivate, but also to organize my head, I realize that I push myself into a state of confusion just because my mind is either moving too quickly, or not at all, and before letting that get insanely frustrating. I took a breath, and decided to go down a rabbit hole of motivational people to try to spark inspiration within myself again.

Without further ado, here’s a list of 4 videos to watch, when you just need someone to help you understand your life:

  1. Charlie Chaplin: The Great Dictator Speech https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8HdOHrc3OQ To start, we have a speech that is so relevant during election season, and throughout all time. It’s a beautiful speech, I can’t beg you, to truly listen to this, enough. It has continued to inspire, it continues to hold true, and it exemplifies values that have long been lost for most of us. If you are going to pick one video to listen to in this list, I would recommend taking the four minutes. And potentially, take many more, to contemplate how it makes you feel, what it makes you think, and how you can continue to adjust, make the meaning behind the words count.

2. Scott Dinsmore: How to Find and Do Work that You Love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpe-LKn-4gM. Next on the list, is a video I first ran across in my search to find motivation. This may translate to a fairly stereotypical motivational speech. However, that is the theme of the post, it really was time well spent in my opinion. Scott has some great tips and tricks for people, using the statistic that 80% of the population is pursuing work that they don’t enjoy, simply because they think its what they should/need to do. It’s so important to recognize discontentment and complacency. We can make such a larger difference as individuals when we are able to pursue passionate work, rather than work that will simply pay the bills.

3. Mel Robbins: How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc I will be the first to say that, without too much judgement, this video starts off a little too self-help newspaper column. However, if you’re willing to get past the shrillness, and cliche-ness(?), there is genuinely good advice in here. We are in an age with so much ability to learn, to improve, to utilize, and that’s what this talk is all about.

4. Ashley Stahl: How to Figure Out What You Really Want https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRtBHF-WPpM Wow, this one starts off with a really interesting story, and evolves into a beautiful perspective. I don’t necessarily enjoy the feeling that I’m the one holding myself back, I hate that feeling actually. However, it must be the most important realization one person can make. How to change that, is a whole different story, and Ashley gives some great advice on going in the right direction. Forcing yourself out of fear of the unknown, and pursuing those things that you’ve always wanted. Life may be confusing, self-recognition may be even more so, it’s just so incredibly important to keep trying, keep questioning, and keep taking the time to assess yourself.

The Shoe Box apartment complex

The world is seen through a hole in a shoebox.
All of these little fully functional, all included shoe boxes, with an oven that is guaranteed to have cooked meth at one point, and is certainly through on its’ warranty. A bathtub designed to fill up with black sludge when it decides to rain. Lights that flicker and outlets that don’t work. 

Let’s not forget the constant movement of all of the other shoebox villagers so close and near to your home, invading privacy with no intent to do so. All the noise and chatter heard at all hours not like a symphony but like the script for a play about gang violence and income inequality. This is what I know, it’s something I’m used to. Yet, I still feel as uncomfortable in my own home as I always have. This isn’t home, it’s not where my heart is. It’s just another little stack of lives, and families, and human beings all crunched together and trying to live the life that they feel they deserve. 

And how the world is full of these shoebox complexes, some are shinier I’m sure, and some are far more tattered but yet they all seem to me to be the same. I’m cramped and claustrophobic and I long for a place much more my own. A place to feel safe, to feel connected to my own version of the world, a place to think and feel and breath without the buzzing of this little human ecosystem all around me. 

How do we live like this?

….. I wish I knew what to say.

What is this chaos, injustice, misinformation, misuse of power. How has our world gotten so corrupt, so lost in toxicity and hate.

I wish I knew what to say.

I’m at a loss for words, because there is no perfect word for what I am feeling.

Outraged, Disappointed, Depressed, Confused, Lost.

We need to welcome positive change, we need to band together as human beings, people all living on the same planet, all with one real, true, need. Life.

Figuring out life, Why you shouldn’t try it.

Being young and naive, it is easy for me to fall into the mind altering trap that is, ‘figuring your shit out’. However, this has recently led me into a loop of thoughts that create unwarranted anxiety in my person. Which is…. frustrating, to say the least. A lot has been changing lately, and we have all been forced to think, on our own, a lot. Which again, can get maddening. I’ve come to the conclusion, that even though, we as humans are predisposed to think ahead, there are reasons not to think too much about what we should be doing and how we should be doing it.

Life is a rollercoaster, ups and downs, and spin arounds. Having an idea of your ideal is important. If there isn’t a vision there isn’t anything to achieve. The notion of having ‘your shit together’ or ‘it all figured out’, is merely a misconception in and of itself. One that after being repeated throughout your life over and over again, just becomes more daunting, and chalked full of negative stress. My point is, that we all have a life to live, one life to be exact, and even though having a purpose and goals gives us a positive sense of self, it can also lead to lots and lots of lost time. I think most of us spend more time thinking about what’s next, rather than enjoying the current state of things. My goal from now on is to take extra care in remembering that, although I have goals and am excited to reach them, I still experience joy and contentedness in specific moments each day. Taking extra care in feeling and experiencing those moments is something that I look forward to. Reading a good book, enjoying a beautiful day, hiking, swimming, companionship. All of the things we so obviously take for granted in our day to day lives. Here’s to being a human, a human being, one that is excited for the future. Even though I don’t have it all figured out.

Thanks for Listening

 

Quarantine Bliss-ter

So this level of quarantining has been overwhelming to say the least. Now the world will be slowly moving again. I have definitely taken for granted some of the great things that have come out of this forced stagnancy. I have had TIME, for once since starting my adult life I have had time to go outside, draw, create, and learn. While I can’t say I have taken full advantage of this period of forced unemployment. I can say it has been enlightening, unfortunately it is only now, when everything is returning to normal. That I, am truly able to feel the bliss that comes with all of this time. I am excited though, to implement new daily rituals, rituals that I hope, will make the most of MY time. The possession of such a precious thing has gone unnoticed too long. There are so many things to do and enjoy and learn. Why we waste so much, I have no idea. I am guilty of binge watching a tv show for a full day, I am guilty of wasting, probably more than most. However, I notice the guilt, feel it, in all of its harsh reality. Time is a finite source for us, all of us moving around the globe. Time, or the lack there of, is something that we fear. And while fear can be a motivator, it isn’t the one I think we should be focusing on. It takes out enjoyment, it introduces too much complexity in our minds. When there is already so much complexity apart from ourselves, that is just begging to be noticed. It’s yet another thing I think we all take for granted. Don’t forget the feeling of time, don’t let time passing scare you, just make sure you spend it wisely.

Thanks for listening.

Enough

Writers block has hit hard… I’m unsure if I can even call myself a writer as I have been so adverse to sitting down and writing anything down. It’s a bitch of a hand to be dealt. Not knowing where it is that you best fit. I think most people deal with this issue, and some come to a conclusion easier than others. It’s just in my bones I know I can contribute to society, I know I can offer a unique perspective. However, being shot down over, and over again. It’s hard. It’s inescapable, and it’s drowning unique ideas in a myriad of falsities and under represented populations. The system as it is, is broken. We have new voices being silenced and old perspectives are taking precedence. It just seems that with all of the technological advancement and changes in how we run as a society. We should change how society runs. We should change who is heard, who is acclaimed. I’m certainly not saying that it should be me, but I am saying that new voices need to be heard. There are so many issues with the way society is running, there are so many discrepancies in our school of thought as a whole. The new has been trying to work its’ way into the big picture. The problem is, is that, no one is willing to listen. Change is hard, and things are already difficult. Tension is high, and hysteria has made its way all around the globe. We are struggling to pick up pieces and put them back together. The problem is, that we have so many new pieces, so many new facets of life, in the modern world, how are we supposed to make different puzzles fit together? Why don’t we just throw away the fucking puzzle and make a new one? We need to be organized as a society, sure, but why don’t we allow new voices to take stage for a while? We need patience, and the availability to be heard, even if the ideas are new. Rather, BECAUSE the ideas are new.

Another Ode to the daily grind

It seems to be all I talk about right? Contemplating normalcy, my own day to day existence. Wishing, and hoping for more to come, a break from all the normal I seem to be drowning in. Times like this are the ones that are the worst for my self worth. I start to feel as though I’ve come back to square one, again, for the umpteenth time, I am here. Wracking my brain for options and yet my mind is blank. Here I sit, taking down all of my woes in writing, continuing to be unheard and unseen for the weirdo that I am. All of this because I can’t seem to find my escape, and let me tell you, going nowhere is the difficult part. Going nowhere is more terrifying than anything else, because in going nowhere you know you will be trapped in the normalcy forever. All the years of being misunderstood, under appreciated, and frankly just ignored. All those years will come to mean nothing except more of the same. More of feeling voiceless, feeling lonely, feeling tired of it all. So here, I come back to talk about square one, talk about all of the daily normal that drowns out the individual voice, the cries are loud, maybe someday people will actually listen to them. In listening to them, maybe they will hear their own echos of the same feelings. I know breaking the mold is intimidating, but I know that we are better off breaking the mold together.

Here We Go

Onto the newest idea, dream, journey. After constant pondering into what it is that makes me dissatisfied with the current state of life, I have decided it’s time to consider the possibility that the only thing holding me back is myself. The societal notion that there is only one way to live is ludicrous and simply not true. My average Joe job, my schedule that is constantly controlled by others, my lack of freedom. All of it has been created and reinforced by myself and societal norms. So, where do I go from here? What do I do?

I’m going to think, plan, and create the version of life that I so desperately strive for. It isn’t impossible to travel, to live, and to create an existence that you love all on your own. Throwing what I’ve been told is realistic out the window, I’m officially ready to crush any expectations others may have, I’m ready to start fresh with only one thing in mind. My life is my own creation and nothing is impossible. I will continue to work hard and get through each day, UNTIL getting through isn’t what the day is about. My life will be full of adventure, and it will someday be exactly what I dream of now.

This is a declaration to myself, I know I can accomplish much when I put my mind to it, and I know you all can too.

 

Work Force

Work, home, repeat. Leaving our minds behind and letting ourselves fall into a cycle of torment. Dealing with asshole bosses, rude customers, unruly coworkers, lewd comments, etc. Here we are trapped, with no end in site. You have to pay the bills don’t you? You have to keep moving in order to keep food on the table, and yet you are miserable the whole. Entire. Time. You think and think, what’s the solution, how do you get out of here. Planning and planning relentlessly, memorizing your most likely escape route. Yet, it still feels like you aren’t doing enough, nothing impactful is happening and you just feel screwed. Like the whole world was built to hurt, to degrade, to destroy. To take away hope, and love, and control. It’s a depressing reality that you just can’t except, so you try again, memorize a new escape, try so hard to figure out a way to get out quickly because everyday you are stuck in this cycle is another day that you feel closer to loosing who you are.

I’m frustrated, I’m lost, I’m miserable. I need something to let up, I can’t keep going from job to job that makes me feel worthless. I have a working mind, I have a million thoughts a minute and they’re all telling me that I need to find a way out. But, the pressure is too much, there is no easy escape. Hell, there isn’t even a guaranteed escape. The rest of my life could look exactly like this and if that isn’t terrifying I don’t know what is.